Being Nice is the New Mean

Have you ever had that friend that you loved to hate? Or someone who every person you ask, or see him/her around, they say they’re so sweet, yet you can see through their “nice” exterior and see their backstabbing ridiculousness? Yep, I’m calling you people out that say those backhanded compliments to others you deem “not cool, or competition.” Or the nice personality of the girl who wears the “effortless” jeans and tshirt and seem to always have some guy texting them. How can your lifestyle seem so easy, like a jeans and tshirt when: A) I know that those are $210 rag & bone boyfriend jeans and a J. Crew crew neck tee complete with a pair of $200 Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses and B) how does your job that pays just above minimum wage pay for that “lifestyle”?

Assuming everyone I see and know fits this criteria, this would be easier, but I’m here to tell you (the obvious): not everyone is out to get you, or undermine you. Also, finding the genuinely nice people takes time, and trusting your instincts. So, how can we tell who is who? My experience with my friendships in the past and present show that first, you need to trust what you need from a friendship and how YOU can support them, too. That foundation right there is a make or break for how some of mine have kept together, or drifted apart. Our natural instincts feed on the way your treated from the other person, and the level of trust. This instinct can be muddled by a person’s personality of: their past relationships dictating how they treat others (which isn’t 100% fair), how they balance their personal and professional life (aka, how they deal with stress), and also their mood.

I’m no psychologist, and I can’t always tell if someone knows that I’ve been wearing the same ponytail for two days straight because I woke up late for work, but What I Do Know is these factors listed above are ways to tell if the other person is being nice to actually be nice, or if there is an agenda. More of a case with women, who tend to hold onto grudges and something that happened in high school, it’s always best to take their “niceness” with grain of salt.

I will say that there is a fine line of taking their comments and niceness with a grain of salt, and standing up for yourself. Those people who you are thinking of that may have the lifestyle you deem amazing, or car that never seems to get rock chips, everyone is battling something. Seriously, they are. That girl that tells you they “love wine wednesdays and wear a ‘netflix & pizza’ tank” like everyone else, it’s lies most of the time. Don’t waste your time with people who chase the trends, when you’re new best friend could be right around the corner… at sprinkles. Buying two cupcakes. For themselves. Yep, that was me last weekend. :)